Twice a week we have a chat here on The SafeworD/s Club, it’s a bit like a munch really, an informal gathering of like-minded kinky folk. We do have topics that we base these discussions around, and the chat on Sunday the 5th January 2020 was about what we have learned in the last year, and if we had any goals for 2020.
This week the visitors were:
|Names of those Present||Abbreviation||Role||Partners names For Information Only|
How it begins.
The Chat always starts with us all saying hello and asking about the week. Just as you would if you were meeting at a coffee shop or a pub. There are usually a couple of jokes about getting the drinks in or who brought biscuits before the topic is introduced and the chat begins.
Sweet started the chat by saying that her goal this year is to speak up more during sexy play times, asking for what she wants MrH to do to her. Missy asked if this was before, during or after play, and Sweet said all 3. She has already put this into practice asking MrH to put some fingers inside her during recent play as well as asking for a spanking. MrH has obliged on each occasion, and we all agreed that communicating needs is a good goal.
DS shared that her Master (MM2) has decided she is not allowed to come any more without permission and he wants to train her to be more submissive, by which he means that he wants her to obey instinctively and not to challenge him.
This led to a discussion that many of us subs would not like this or wouldn’t find orgasm denial conducive to submission. Beth said she had “read male subs blog that said females in his experience get more submissive if they have orgasms regularly and males are more submissive with less orgasms (he’s been in the D/s lifestyle a long time)”. Which we all thought was interesting and for the most part we agreed with this, as it does seem to be a common theme in many of the male sub blogs. Gem explained that PS uses denial to increase her submissiveness by toying with her. He plays with her and then denies her the release keeping her in a state of frustration, and that works well for them.
Doms Salon & Subs Lounge
When there are a lot of us on a Sunday we move into two separate areas. The Doms head off to the Doms Salon and the subs to the Subs Lounge, and as we had a good showing HL took the decision to split the chat. The Doms headed off but we subs continued to chat in the Main Lounge for a while.
Bethany said she had two plans for the coming year, one is to support her Dom more by encouraging him to open up and share his desires and fantasies. This had been sparked by HL’s recent post and we all expressed a similar thought. We share our desires and fantasies but our Doms rarely do. MM popped back into the main lounge to share that he had often held back on sharing his fantasies because he worried they were not ok in his head. NJ added that Frank had expressed similar reasons for not sharing with her, and Beth, and Devie both also said that their Doms had not found it easy to admit to having a sadistic need.
Many of us expressed how we had all asked our Doms to share their desires but somehow, they either don’t feel able to, or they don’t want to. We all wondered if this was a male thing, but TA said that she also held back sometimes when she worried that her desires might be feasible with Lilith’s health.
MJ said she wants to focus on writing what she wants to and to stop trying to please other people. She has put her blog to one side but has signed up for Smut Marathon. HL, DS, MM2 and Sweet are also taking part in this. The other things we all said we wanted to do was to maintain our dynamics, manage the ebbs and flows better, and to communicate more.
What is great about these chats is how we get to see many points of view and it can allow us to follow them up later within our own partnerships. It is also interesting how we all have very similar experiences too sometimes. But what makes these chats truly fantastic is the people who come along. If you haven’t come to one, hopefully this gives you an idea of what to expect and we hope to see you soon.
Follow this link to see our calendar with full details of upcoming chats.