When I started researching D/s I joined another online community and despite my normal introversion I jumped right into the chat discussions. I was determined that is what I wanted and I devoured all available advice. Immediately I was heavily pressured to see that my husband join as well. I did get him to sign up but I felt overlooked when he did not actively participate.

While I had some minimal experience with socializing online, he did not and had no interest in doing so. We had several fights over my pushing and insisting that he get involved. Not submissive at all but seemed to be excused in the group forum. It was as if our future with a D/s relationship hung solely on his willingness to get online.

I have found the support in a community forum beneficial. Through these sites I have made some treasured friends. I am able to share more with them than anyone else.  Some people are just not wired that way, though. They may prefer to talk in person or they may not choose to talk about their personal business to anyone. If your Dom is one of these people it does not mean that your hope for this dynamic is doomed.

If you find yourself in this position stop focusing on what he is not doing. It does nothing to feed his dominance and will only cause animosity. It can feel like every other D type is joining the chats and you desperately wish yours would too. Trust me I get it but you are better off spending the time working on yourself. If he is receptive, you can provide him information on material resources but otherwise *sing it with me* Let It Go.

Most importantly do not be discouraged; social media is not the only way to a D/s relationship. The dynamic you desire is still possible without it. If you need to, drop me a line and we can commiserate while the couples chat.

4 thoughts on “What If He Won’t Join In

    • I write what I know. I share because I want others to know they aren’t alone. I have benefited when I found others who seem to go against “the norm”. 🙂

  1. Our story of D/s and the online community was somewhat reversed. I was not familiar with social media and have never been interested in it. I shun facebook for my own personal reasons. So it was my Sir who helped introduce me to these online D/s communities and helped me navigate things like chat and forum posts as this was something completely foreign to me. I did not know what the acronyms were like “lol”, “ttyl” and “brb”. I had no idea what anyone was saying. I felt lost. I had no idea what an emoticon or emoji was. I felt very intimidated by it all. He helped me by giving me some navigation tips and after 3 or 4 months, I finally felt comfortable with it. Now I feel like I can participate with the subs and have meaningful conversations on this platform that I was so fearful of in the beginning. Thank you Sir (Masterdym) for helping me connect with other submissives.

  2. This was amazing thank you for this ..
    I have been subtly encouraging my daddy to embrace the lifestyle and let him.know.how badly I want to be his little, his own personal possession. Sometimes I feel like he isn’t interested and when I.am.in the sub mindspace and I feel unwanted it really devastates me so reading this was so encouraging for me, it’s so wonderful to know this is something that a lot of subs experience. . All in our own different ways but close. Thank you for being willing to share your experience s, you don’t know how much It helps people – you and all the other amazing subs out there that have been so helpful, I feel like a kid sister being accepted (as a brand new sub).. hope someday I can help someone this way to pay it forward

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