This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Cortado Marlowe 3 weeks, 6 days ago.

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  • #5859

    Cortado Marlowe
    Participant

    Hi community,

    First, I want to apologize if my English seems inadequate to describe my situation. English is not my first language and I am not used to describe these aspects of my private life in English. Bear with me.

    My wife and partner Saba through twenty-one years are in a D/s relationship. In a period of 4-5 years we have moved from a vanilla relationship to a BDSM inspired relationship of ownership and name-tag-collar.  She prefers to be told what to do, how and when.

    I dictate when we will have sex and where, sometimes without notice. Therefore, she is under the obligation to ask, once a week, if I want to use her and, in those situations, I have the privilege to accept or refuse her offer. She is under instructions to be obedient to my every wish when we have sex, and she has lived up to this agreement in every way. So, she has given me the reins of our sex life, and as much as I relish and treasure it, I have reached the end of my imagination. Or rather, I have reached a dead end, as to what I should introduce to meet the wish of my wife to be taken to the next level. Last week, she declared, that she felt ready to receive more direct training.

    Now, I want to do my part in stepping up the game. I would like to build a long-term strategy for training my wife. But to train her to new levels of submission, I feel that I must formulate a set of goals, that turn me on as well, for me to stay motivated to train her. I feel I must have a clear picture of what I want our relationship to evolve into, to lay down a strategy for me and my wife to steer along.

    Has any of you ever been in a situation, where you felt that you wanted a clear set goal for you and your partner to reach, but you were unsure about what you wanted? If you have, I would love to start a conversation with you about formulating goals and laying down strategies for reaching them.

    best, Cortado

     

  • #5860

    HisLordship
    Keymaster

    Hello Cortado, welcome to the SWC!

    Firstly, your use of English is excellent and very easy to understand so don’t worry about that!

    I try to avoid giving advice as this makes me appear to have mastered D/s relationships, and that couldn’t be further from the truth!  I do see where you currently are in your relationship and that I am sure this is common; We have found that too at times.

    For us I would say it presented an opportunity to review where we were with our relationship and with our physical kink. Whilst we had continued as normal for sometime, that didnt mean ideas were not formualting in our own minds.  Exploring and discussing fantasies helped as these didn’t always mean we would see them through, however, it did open conversaion to other things.  I would also say that there was temptation to follow what other people did, or feel one should be doing this, or that activity.   Our conversations were a bit like shopping without a credit card – Just browsing!

    Speaking to others helped as well as many other arrived at this junction before us and were keen to tell their tale! I’m sure other’s will add to this, and if you have time please join in one of chats shown on the calendar.

    HL

  • #5868

    Cortado Marlowe
    Participant

    hi HL,

    Thank you for your very supportive reply. I have checked out some of the topics and especially “Building a D/s relationsship have a lot of good and thoughtful advice on hos to proceed. I believe, that the question of “why” is especially important for me and Saba, as much as must be the rock foundation of the heights that we want to climb together.

    As for me, I believe that I simply just relish and get turned on by the thought of being in control of Sabas body. The thought of “owning” her body is a very real and sexually igniting thought for me. To collar her. But is that sufficient as a “why”?

    I have asked her several times (to the point where I almost kill the atmosphere with my questioning and moral misgivings) and her answer is always that she simply likes to kneel, she likes to be collared and she likes the thought of being owned. But I still have misgivings that I cant seem to shake off.

    Wanting to wield the power badly but not accepting myself fully in wanting it. This seems to be a problem for me. And I have to sort out my own why and why and how I want to train Saba.

    Is this an issue that other D’s are having as well?

    Best, C

     

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