This topic contains 10 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Missy 12 months ago.

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  • #1282

    Mr. D
    Participant

    Hello,

    I have a question I’m hoping someone may have experienced or have knowledge about.

    First a brief history about myself and my “little one”.

    We have been married for 25 years and are new to the D/s life style. When we first met each other I would classify myself with a dominant personality and my little one as very submissive. That being said, when we were young and starting out we had no idea there was such a thing as BDSM or D/s life style.

    So for 25 years we lived our lives by what I would call a “societal” live style (Extremely vanilla), as the years passed we started having problems. I insisted that we conform to what was determined to be the normal life style. Despite it not feeling right, causing pain, and sadness. On several occasions my little one would ask to be my submissive and I the Dom, though not in the D/s sence, as I said at the time we didn’t know what that was.

    So after 25 years I left my wife, knowing now that I wished I would of listened to my wife all those years before. And believing that there was no way to repair the damage in our marriage.

    After 9 months of separation we are back together and in our proper rolls. My wife, submissive and myself Dom. We both have truly never been so happy. We are 24/7 D/s, My little one is what I would call “totally submissive” I now control all aspects of our relationship.

    So now to my question, my little one at times experiences some emotional distress. I’ll explain, those times that she makes mistakes just crush her. To be honest I wouldn’t call them mistakes at all. But when these times occur she sobs greatly, not just a little cry but deep sadness. She says she is sorry and that she feels that she is letting me down or failing me.

    I assure her that she is not, in fact that she is doing an amazing job at bringing me happiness, and I have never been happier because we are living our lives the way we should have been all along.

    These episodes have occurred about three times now, since we got back together 2 months ago, and started this life style. I absolutely know for a fact that she has never been happier, having me run our daily lives, taking care of her and all her needs. But happiness or not her safety and well being are more important.

    Are these emotional reactions common? Will these emotions subside as we gain knowledge and experience with this life style?

    Any thoughts would be well appreciated.

    Mr.D

     

  • #1285

    MisterMan
    Keymaster

    This resonates strongly with me. There are times when Beth just collapses and is so hard on herself. I think she did it before we became D/s and I maybe just didn’t notice it. Maybe a little of both?

    Hang on, I just asked Beth. She agrees about maybe a little of both. Before D/s she sort of just generally stressed out about things. After D/s she takes certain, very specific things much harder and much more personally. I have no idea if this matches your sub in any way other than superficially, but I wanted to let you know I hear you.

    Beth and I try to address these things with D/s as we go along. One of the things that’s been hard for her is to accept that for certain things I get to be the judge and if I say it’s good enough then that means it is good enough and that she is good enough. It doesn’t always work (and it doesn’t ever work 100% perfectly like “wave a wand and make her feel all better”) but it usually does help some degree. As we have come to trust our D/s roles that part of her that nags and self-criticizes has come to trust me and my judgment more, and it’s made things easier.

    I’ll try to find more resources and post more info. Hopefully others may have input and advice as well. Good luck.

  • #1286

    Mr. D
    Participant

    Thank you for the post it looks like this might be somewhat common with some.

  • #1288

    Princess
    Participant

    Might she also be scared? You have been back together for two months after the split. She could be feeling like this is her only chance and if she messes up and isn’t a perfect sub you might leave again. *Not saying that you gave her any reason to believe that but I know I would be scared of that.

    • #1320

      Mr. D
      Participant

      Thank you Princess,

      I had considered that, but in this case I am the lucky one. She never gave up on me, even after I left. I was a terrible husband, not abusive, nor any drugs or alcohol, I just wasn’t the man she needed me to be. It took me 49 years to finally grow up. So I tell people that I am very lucky to be with her.

       

      thank you

      Mr.D

       

  • #1297

    Missy
    Keymaster

    Hello Mr D.  I agree with both Princess and MisterMan and what they have already said. I can also say that I do get emotional when I feel that I have messed things up.  We do not have a lot of punishment involved in our relationship and tend to talk things through and then have a reset. This works for us for the most part, but sometimes I do still go over and over things and can find it hard to move on. On occasion I have asked for a physical punishment so that I can draw the line (non-physical punishments would work too it just happens that has been what I felt I needed). This has helped as it has allowed me to focus the feelings of guilt etc that I have had, and accept that it has been dealt with – it has got all of the tears out all at once as it were and not allowed me to put myself through a more protracted torture! I suppose that I feel I have earned the cuddles and forgiveness that I get at the end? I have also used my blog to ‘confess’ in a more public way and explain openly what I have learnt.  I am not sure if your wife is a member here, but to chat things through with other subs has also always been a great support to me and it has helped me to put things into perspective and realise that messing up sometimes is something that we all do.  If your sub is shy to join in with the chat then she would be welcome to email me anytime and you can also send a private message to any of the other members.  missy

    • #1314

      Mr. D
      Participant

      Hello Missy, This is Mr. D’s little one.

      One day, while trying to research D/s, I came across your blog and I want to thank you because we both feel like we have finally found people who we can both talk to.

      I do believe that joining so that I can talk to other submissives is a great idea. Trying to make sense of these overwhelming feelings is so foreign to me and I am not used to struggling like this. Like you, my Daddy and I have learned the importance of communication and this defiantly helps me to make sense of the “feels” as MisterMan calls them (love that definition).

      Daddy is very in tune to me and can tell when I’m off balance. (This new superpower of his is shocking to us both by the way.) This prevents my emotions from snowballing and helps me to put what I’m feeling into words that we both can understand. As much as I try to be the perfect submissive for Daddy, it hurts me so deeply when he feels the need to correct me. (This usually only entails how I address him. 26 years of marriage can be a huge advantage, however, 2 months of D/s requires a new mindset) I am learning to give him these fears and trust that he will let me know if I’ve disappointed him.

      So, I am looking forward to joining this group so that I can have friends who I can talk to.

      Thank you, again.

      little one

       

      • #1343

        Missy
        Keymaster

        Hello Little One,

        I can relate to what you are saying and how you feel when you disappoint him, and probably more to the point, yourself. I look forward to meeting you, hopefully soon.

        missy xx

  • #1313

    Mr. D
    Participant

    Hello Missy, This is Mr. D’s little one.

    One day, while trying to research D/s, I came across your blog and I want to thank you because we both feel like we have finally found people who we can both talk to.

    I do believe that joining so that I can talk to other submissives is a great idea. Trying to make sense of these overwhelming feelings is so foreign to me and I am not used to struggling like this. Like you, my Daddy and I have learned the importance of communication and this defiantly helps me to make sense of the “feels” as MisterMan calls them (love that definition).

    Daddy is very in tune to me and can tell when I’m off balance. (This new superpower of his is shocking to us both by the way.) This prevents my emotions from snowballing and helps me to put what I’m feeling into words that we both can understand. As much as I try to be the perfect submissive for Daddy, it hurts me so deeply when he feels the need to correct me. (This usually only entails how I address him. 26 years of marriage can be a huge advantage, however, 2 months of D/s requires a new mindset) I am learning to give him these fears and trust that he will let me know if I’ve disappointed him.

    So, I am looking forward to joining this group so that I can have friends who I can talk to.

    Thank you, again.

    little one

     

     

     

     

  • #1317

    Subs always want to please their Doms and it’s not possible, you both are human and will make mistakes. Let her know that she will make mistakes or mess up and you will to and that is okay and you have a relationship now where you can fix the problem without hurting the other person and forgive them. I think her feelings are common for most subs. Keeping reassuring her that it is okay and you forgive her and eventually she will really understand that.

    • #1319

      Mr. D
      Participant

      Thank you Emily,

      you are absolutely right, I tell little one that we all make mistakes. In fact I also tell he that with each mistake made, that it makes our relationship stronger. Because it gives us the opportunity to communicate and work on these mistakes together to find solutions.

       

      Mr.D

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