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This topic contains 8 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  chicken chick 10 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #1264

    Missy
    Keymaster

    Please leave your replies to the above question.

    • This topic was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by  Missy.
  • #1273

    Ed
    Participant

    This is difficult for me to answer as my wife and I are so new to this we are learning almost regularly.  Right now, I think the most important thing is to own it.  As the Dom my wife needs to be treated as a sub.  Recent changes in both of our careers actually facilitated this and the stress relief provided in our new relationship is something neither of us expected we would need.

    Mind you, we have been married 18 years, so trust, safety, and all key aspects of this lifestyle were already present.  If anything we are breaking new ground in our marriage and with that comes the need for me to own it.

  • #1275

    Beth [MM]
    Participant

    COMMUNICATION! I think it takes communication to start this kind of relationship, communication to move it forward, communication to adjust it, communication to make sure it’s meeting everyone’s needs. And I think for the communication to really work it needs to be open, honest, respectful, and kind so everyone can feel comfortable expressing their needs and desires without worry of disparagement. The (D/s)  relationships I’ve seen struggle could be improved with communication. That’s usually the first piece of advice I give to others – “Have you talked with X about this?” MisterMan and I talk a lot about all sorts of stuff including our D/s and we include what is going well, what we enjoy, as well as any ideas or concerns.

  • #1287

    Princess
    Participant

    I would say the communication is the most important between us for the relationship.

    Then patience personally. It really has been a life changing lesson for me.

  • #1290

    Dizzy
    Participant

    I think the most important element I’ve learned is that respect, and service, must be earned by a Master. If you don’t live your life in a way that your slave can idolize, it’s hard to demand that level of absolute service from her/him. If they respect how hard you work and that you are driven and focused, it’s easier to get that googly eyed slave mentality embedded into them.

  • #1292

    Missy
    Keymaster

    Hmmm this is a really hard one as I have learnt SO much already. I think that the biggest change for us has also been communication. We always spoke a lot but we communicate in a different way now. I think that learning to do this has meant that we have been able to develop the level of intimacy that we have now, so everything else sort of comes back to the communication for us.

  • #1293

    Missy
    Keymaster

    Hmmm this is a really hard one as I have learnt SO much already. I think that the biggest change for us has also been communication. We always spoke a lot but we communicate in a different way now. I think that learning to do this has meant that we have been able to develop the level of intimacy that we have now, so everything else sort of comes back to the communication for us.

  • #2394

    Lts
    Participant

    TRUST & PATIENCE I agree with Beth that communication is a major factor in a D/s relationship but Sir and I always communicated throughout our marriage. Our issue was trusting each other to commit and do what we said we would do and not assume and judge before hand. I believe everyone has promised or committed themselves to be trusted to do something for their spouse as promised and failed to follow through at some point. Like no big deal I will be forgiven. Lol! Patience was my big issue before D/s, I wasn’t a very good at waiting to the point I would keep nagging Sir…WHEN are you going to do it!  That Sir would get mad at me for not trusting that he would take care of the issue. These two words go hand and hand together and you can’t have one without the other. Now I have both and it calms me and quiets the mind without question

  • #2460

    chicken chick
    Participant

    The biggest thing I have learned is I can show my emotions without being taken advantage of. I have always lived in a family where displays of emotion were like blood in shark infested waters. They would feed on you when you were down. Because of this I had repressed my emotions. My amazing husband has showed me that emotions are fine and he wants to know how I feel and that it’s ok to feel.

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