This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  painwaits 5 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #4258

    Missy
    Keymaster

    I am posting this for a friend as I have never experienced this myself but wondered if anyone else had.

    “I had really good play session last night .. same partner I always with play with .. got caned belted etc .. and always finish with me being choked as I like that .. was just going into a happy state of subspace would have been heaven but everything went black it was like I transgressed back to childhood and it was my dad beating me .. all I remember is falling down screaming holding onto his leg so he couldn’t hit me still thinking it was my dad .. Sir was really nice and held me and stroked my face till I calmed down .. Why would I go from subspace to childhood memories I’d blocked out for over 40 yrs . Is it common? Does it happen?”

    If anyone has any thoughts about this and has experienced something similar then it would be really helpful if you could comment and I can pass it back to her. We discussed the fact that maybe she went deeper than usual into a state similar to being hypnotised where I know you can regress, but just wondered if anyone had any other thoughts.

    • This topic was modified 5 months, 2 weeks ago by  Missy.
  • #4357

    painwaits
    Participant

    Unfortunately, I have had similar experiences. I have been nearing subspace and instead found myself in a flashback to sexual abuse that happened when I was a child. It happened a few times and was disturbing enough for me to talk to a counselor about. She said that the neural pathway between subspace (endorphins) and a flashback are very similar and could easily ‘cross’. For me, I have found if I am in a certain mental place before play then I am more likely to go to a flashback if I get too deep in play so I will let my Dom know and avoid the flashback. On the other hand — for your friend, this could have been a one-time cathartic experience that is good for her to have gone through – I know some people experience disturbing memories in subspace at times as a healing process and do not experience recurring episodes of it and do not find it intruding on their lives.

  • #4364

    Missy
    Keymaster

    Thank you so much for sharing your own experience. I have passed that on 🙂

    • #4366

      painwaits
      Participant

      You are welcome. I hope she finds something that works for her. It is definitely a process to do so — I had another instance of this this past Wednesday night, even when being cautious. Fortunately,my Dom very quickly picked up on a change in me and began telling me I was safe and I just had to nod that I understood I was safe and say I needed more pain. Once I was receiving pain again I was able to pull back from the edge of flashback/memories. Some people/therapists think a person should always stop when they experience a flashback memory but I find that if I am not in emotional distress and can transition back to submission and away from feeling like I am back when the abuse was happening that I can continue with play but everyone is different and I am not successful in continuing every time. Personally, I felt like I was letting the abuse ruin my submission if I stopped every time and that just made me mad and anger motivates me when not much else will LOL.

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