Having experienced a few bumps, humps and black holes during our relationship, Missy and I have never lost sight of who we are. I admit that we worried quite a lot early on when things got in the way and we were not being the ‘perfect’ Dominant or submissive, or so we were led to believe.

We are not alone with regard to such dilemmas and I understand that, however, I do feel compassion for others who beat themselves up when they cannot behave as they would like to because of life’s obstacles.  This may go against the grain for some people, and your kink is your kink as it is said, however, your D/s dynamic is only a part of who you are. For some it is a strong foundation that without it their relationship would fall apart, some it is the glue that makes life much better and for others it is the icing on the cake that occasionally they stick their finger into!  If you took D/s away from your relationship would you no longer be together in that instant?  I would argue that the answer is no, as these things take time to work out; and things such as illness, bereavement, family issues and all manner of challenges should only be a small hump in the road and not a sink hole.

Before taking a person over an obstacle course, the safest way is to walk the entire length of the course and demonstrate the best and safest way to tackle each one. There should even an opportunity to try each one out before running at it full speed.  I see D/s a bit like that in terms of managing things that could get in way.  For us, a major hurdle was having my parents stay a few months into our D/s journey. My Dad wanted to be in charge of the family and to keep the peace I allowed that. Missy commented afterwards that she didn’t like having two Doms, particularly when the other one is her Father-in-Law!  We soon learnt that when new things faced us, we would discuss what negative issues could affect us. Regular things like illness we take in our stride; we have no high expectations of each other when ill. You feel like crap, want to get better and to be cared for.  There is no play involved, no damaged egos and certainly no self-flagellation because you feel like you are not being the perfect partner.

So for us it’s important to have expectations and yet we accept that life is not perfect and neither, are we!

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