Needle play is something that often falls under the category of Edge Play, meaning that it comes at the edges of what many would view as safe and in indeed sane. This, of course, is subjective but it is a kink that can carry risks and therefore requires some good research before attempting to try it. What we share here is based on our own experience and should be read with that caveat.

 

There are loads of sites out there with information about needle play but we think this one looks pretty thorough and could make a good start to finding out the basics. Talking to others who do have experience is always valuable and you can learn from them as well as benefit from hearing about their mistakes, so never undervalue that opportunity if it presents itself. We were lucky in that respect and it really gave us the confidence that we needed to give it a try. 

 

Having done your research, you need to make sure that you have the right equipment before you start. You will need some medical grade needles, alcohol wipes, surgical gloves and a dressing should you need to apply pressure to a wound area. You also need a Sharps Bin to dispose of used needles in a safe way. We purchased a taster kit from Med Fet supplies which had a selection of needles and all of the other things that you need.

 

The starter kit worked well for us as it wasn’t something which we knew if we were going to love it not. It cost £7.50 which wasn’t too big of an outlay to begin with but gave us what we needed to try it out and keep safe. We were playing at home where the lighting was good and we were able to dispose of any waste properly and keep the area clean, but clearly that would be a consideration for some.

 

We are also in a married relationship where we are fluid bonded and monogamous so the issue of unknown blood borne viruses was not there in the same way it might be for some. There is obviously a risk of infection in any area where you are piecing the skin but, again, we were aware of that and it was a consideration in preparing for needle play as well as in terms of the aftercare provided. Essentially we used the gloves and wipes provided.

 

We had researched the areas of the body which are recommended for needle play and the article linked above shows those best for beginners. We chose the back and tried it first as a test rather than a full blown scene.  This is something we would recommend for new types of play and the method has served us well for a variety of forms of play, allowing us to communicate well about how we are both feeling.  I think where any form of edge play is concerned it is essential that you communicate fully and have a really good understanding of where each partner is coming from.

 

The advantages of needle play are as with many forms of play in that you can use the natural endorphins produced as part of the body’s pain response process to reach a state where you achieve a natural high.  We also found it was a huge emotional connector due to the risk and the high levels of trust required from both sides. In essence, we both experienced a high from what was happening.

 

I think that this sort of play would lend itself to any medical type scene. It could also form a positive part of sensory play, as well as being a thrilling experience for those looking to push or challenge their limits with something which many would consider a ‘no’ due to the risks involved. For us it was a ‘yes’ and is something that we do plan to keep exploring.  To read more of a personal account about our first attempt with needle play please see this post on submissy.

 

 

 


Our theme this week is warming up and cooling down so I wanted to focus on how this works within a D/s play relationship. These thoughts are based on my own experience so should be taken as suggestions only, as different things will work for different people. However, in my opinion, just like with exercise, a warm up or build up to a scene will really add to the experience, as will having some sort of cool down or aftercare.

During exercise, a warm up gradually revs up your cardiovascular system by raising your body temperature and increasing blood flow to your muscles. Warming up may also help reduce muscle soreness and lessen your risk of injury. Similarly within a scene, building up or providing some sort of notice of what you plan to do will aid a submissive with being in the right mindset and allow the physical responses to come more easily. It will also enhance the emotional connection between you and allow an increase in trust.

Creating a sense of anticipation is also really important as it can keep the sub feeling aroused and expectant. At the same time they may be nervous and excited which will mean that they are thinking about what is going to happen. This will not only arouse them but also heighten the senses so that when play begins, they are highly attuned and responsive. Being prepared mentally will also mean that they are less likely to have an issue with negative triggers.

A build up can take a variety of forms and within play, couples will reveal more or less information depending on what works for them. It may be that the sub is given some instructions about how to prepare for the scene including things such as grooming in a particular way, choosing implements or toys, arranging props or selecting various items of clothing. The build up can start days before the scene, or it may be that it is left until much closer, but having some sort of warm up will really help.

Another thing that can work really well is making sure that the submissive waits in a certain position before play begins. This could be kneeling or something more vulnerable but it will allow them to focus their mind and think about what is going to happen. Inspections are another tool that can be used to make sure that the submissive is feeling vulnerable and also to allow the Dominant to set the dynamic for themselves as well as for their sub. A reminder of safewords and protocols will be another way of not just checking in, but also of reinforcing what is about to happen.

In exercise terms, cooling down after your workout allows for a gradual recovery of pre-exercise heart rate and blood pressure. Again, with play, this is a crucial part which, if missed out, can make things really difficult for both the top and for the bottom. During a scene the submissive may go quite deeply into their submissive space, as well as experiencing the effects of the chemical changes which take place in the brain, particularly if play is intense.

The rush of adrenaline and endorphins can send the submissive on a real high, so there can be a genuine chemical ‘come down’ to follow. Aside from that the submissive will likely have felt emotionally vulnerable at various point. The heightened trust in the Dominant will create an intense connection between the two and may lead to a feeling of neediness or dependency. This is something which can be a really positive part of play, provided the aftercare provided it is effective.

Aftercare may involve using soft blankets to make the submissive feel safe and warm as they come down from subspace. Having drinking water to hand is always a must and some people might like to have something special to eat, such as chocolate.  Close physical contact to the Dominant is probably the most important thing as this will reinforce the feeling of safety and the strong emotional connection. Part of aftercare may include talking through some of the play that took place and the emotions and feelings which go with it.

If a cool down doesn’t take place after exercise it can lead to sore or pulled muscles later on and in the same way, if aftercare is not given, it can lead to a feeling of being tired, physically unwell and emotionally upset both for the submissive and sometimes for the Dominant. These posts on sub drop and Dom drop deal with these feelings in more detail.  As long as aftercare is given, the aftereffects of an intense period of play will hopefully be minimised. As with anything, being aware of what can happen will always make it easier not only to prevent, but also to deal with if it does occur.

The sort of adrenaline high experienced during a BDSM scene has been compared before to the type of elation that people can feel after extreme exercise, such as participation in a marathon. While we are not going to be in training in the same way, some preparation will really help, as will some good aftercare following play.  The effects can be both physical as well as emotional so being ready mentally is really important as it will help you to have the best possible experience.

Scene it done it

The first proper scene the we did when we started D/s was a forced orgasm scene and it remains one of the easiest ways for me to reach subspace. To get to that point would probably be between 4 and 6 separate orgasms but with rolling ones in between.

* * * * * * * * * *

It begins with my being instructed to have my bath and then come into the bedroom when I am ready. I can hear the music drifting through and I hear HisLordship moving around and getting things ready. When I come into the room he is dressed in an open shirt and he looks hot. I feel a wave of anticipation wash over me.  He waits while I hang up my robe so that I am naked in front of him and he looks at me. I feel my skin start to heat and he calls me over to him. He sits on the edge of the bed, takes my hands and pulls me into him. He breathes me in and kisses my body lightly as he lets out a breath and says, “God you are beautiful.”

 

He has set up the play bench and he tells me to lie on it. He then proceeds to secure me so that there is really no way I can move.  He instructs me to pull on each bond so that he knows they are tight enough and as each is fixed I can feel the tension rising within me. He puts a blindfold over my eyes and then plays with me a little, using some sensations to relax me and allow me to drift further into a submissive headspace. He teases with gentle tweaks and pulls on my nipples and I can feel what I think is the tip of a glass dildo which he rests on my clit as he touches me with a lubed finger.

 

I am aching for him and it sits like a deep weight all around my sex. He tells me how swollen I am and I feel like I might explode. The glass is frustrating as it is so light against me and I try to push into it but it moves with me and I hear him laugh. I can feel him reach away and then the sound of the wand coming to life. He uses the wand to edge me for quite a while but tells me that I mustn’t come. My focus is on fighting back the climax but he makes it harder by dipping a finger deep inside me.  I become more tormented as he adds a second finger and then changes to play with my arsehole.

 

I am moaning and groaning and he tells me that I am so easy. He pushes harder against my hole and tells me to relax as he increases the speed on the wand. I tell him that I have to come and he says no and slows it all down again. I exhale with a sigh as if the pressure is off but as soon as I feel I am starting to float with the motion, he builds it back up again. I beg him to let me come and he finally agrees, asking if I understood that once I start he will make me come again and again and that there will be no release from this.  My mind fights itself but I have lost control and I shout yes – that is fine – just let me come.

 

As the orgasm tears through me I move somewhere else and ride the waves that it brings me. All too soon I am aware of the intense buzz where it should not be and I wriggle to free myself from it.  I fight against my bonds but he has me fastened so securely with his ropes and cuffs that there is nothing I can do to escape.  He reduces the pressure of the wand a little in order to let me gather myself a bit and then he ups things again.  I can feel myself giving into it and tapping into something deep inside me. There is a part which is tuned into the rumble rather than the buzz and he draws this out as I push down onto the sensation rather than pushing up into it as he forces another orgasm from me.

 

This continues and he builds me up again and again, each time taking me a bit deeper.  I feel both desensitised and hypersensitive all at the same time. My body is reacting and responding but my mind can’t process it and I consciously detach from the thinking part of my brain and just melt into the sensation. It is as if I am freeing my mind from my body and giving it up. It is like I am being pulled out of myself and am drifting  further away from my reality with every orgasm he takes, but still he keeps going. I have no idea how many times I come but just when I think I can take no more, he seems to stop momentarily and I think that is it. I am throbbing with the heat and the need and hear him say that he thinks I have at least one more in me.

 

I don’t know how he knows where I am at, but there must be signs and he reads them. I doubt that I can come again but soon I feel it building up once more. It seems impossible; it seems too much. The sensation is overwhelming, confusing, and I can’t process it, can’t work out if it is pleasure or pain or if I am here or not. He holds me on the edge then brings me up again and this time as I come I can feel myself let go, not in a control way but in a basic existence kind of a way.  My body slumps, I go limp, and I feel that I am no longer part of it. I can hear the wand still rumbling away but I can’t feel it anymore. I can hear his voice talking to me but can’t work out what he is saying and I drift, almost delirious, in that place where there is no time.

* * * * * * * * * *

Most of our scenes are sexual and so often we will end with him fucking me although depending how I am, he may move straight to aftercare. If I have been in subspace like this and haven’t been allowed to touch him then that physical connection with him will overwhelm me; it will prolong the ecstatic state that I am in so it is something that he will usually build in, although I am aware that he is very careful as he knows that I will find communication difficult. The aftercare will always come at the end of a scene and will usually involve me falling asleep on him for a while.

 

Other ‘Scene it, Done it’ posts on submissy:
Hotel Scene
Sensory Scene
Schoolgirl Scene

 

 

I think that this play is very personal to us both, how we do things may not be the way anyone else would, but I hope that it will give you an insight.

 

                                                                                   ***
She could feel the carpet against her knees as she waited for him to initiate the transformation, from herself into puppy. Although she was mostly naked, it didn’t feel that way. The tail plug nestled between her cheeks, the white leather gloves and ballet pumps all became part of puppy. But they were not necessary.

 

“Do you remember how to end the play?”

 

“Yes master, kneel in front of you in the waiting position, or safe word.”

 

He liked this to be the last thing that happened before he put on puppy’s collar, there had been incidents where the rush was too much and puppy forgot how to end the play.

 

He couldn’t believe that just a few months ago, at the start of their D/s journey, pet play was placed firmly in the hard limit zone for Littlegem. So much had changed.

 

She felt his hands brush against her neck as her day collar was removed and replaced with the dog collar. ‘Puppy’ gleamed on one side of the dangling rose gold tag, ‘Owned by master’ on the other. It’s not the collar that initiated the feeling. Or the way she wore her hair up in high bunches. These things helped, but they didn’t define the role, only decorated it. It was the control PurpleSole took whilst being puppy’s owner. His voice commanding her. This all sent her into the headspace. Let her be free.

 

The change he observed from LG to puppy was enormous. As soon as the dog collar was on he could see her eyes roll back, hear her sigh of satisfaction; he knew instantly that she was ready for play.

 

He pondered how the play would take shape this time. Sometimes it was more active, a leash would be used to get puppy to follow. Others it was more passive, a relax on the sofa whilst puppy played with her toys. Whatever happened he knew it was important to read puppy’s body language, puppy can’t talk after all, so cues help in the way of whimpers or pants.

                                                                                   ***

 

One of the most satisfying parts of pet play for me is the closeness it brings to our relationship. Deep trust is required from LG and a strong connection is felt between us during this play.

 

Pet play makes me feel very vulnerable, I think the taboo it has adds to this. I am very glad it is something that PS pushed me to explore. It has gone from something I was just going to try once, to being a weekly play for us.

 

For more writing by Littlegem and PurpleSole please check out their blog Purple’sGem

 

When we first started exploring bondage, which was pretty early on for us, like before we moved in together, Daddy purchased some poly rope from our local hardware store. When i say some, what i should really say is that He bought oodles- 150 feet to be exact. He cut it into lengths and used mustache duct tape on the ends to keep it from fraying. Back then we didn’t have a headboard that we could connect things to, so He used to loop it under the bed. It was complicated, time consuming, and frankly irritating. So when we moved and bought new furniture, we picked a headboard that we could loop the rope through. It made things easier, until Daddy purchased cuffs. The deeper we got into bondage play, the more we wanted to simplify. We tried one of the store bought under the bed restraint systems, but our mattress is 16 inches thick, and it just didn’t work properly. So Daddy decided He needed to get His tool belt out and make some modifications!

For some back info- our bed is a king size called Hemnes from Ikea. We are Ikea freaks, if you haven’t noticed! It is made out of pine, and honestly isn’t very sturdy. We have broken the frame a few times lol. Our bed has a 16 inch memory foam mattress. It is massive and heavy. There is a foot board at the bottom that we are not able to loop through.

Moving on… We purchased 8 mountable D rings from the hardware store, and 3/4 inch screws with a flat top so they wouldn’t rub anything. Daddy screwed them to the bed- 2 went in the center of the headboard, then 4 went on each corner of the bed, we had 2 left over.

Daddy is now able to attach me in all sorts of ways to our bed! He uses carabiners, hog ties, straps, velcro, rope, etc! The sky is the limit. No more half hour setups, just a quick click and we are ready to go! We have included some photos below (please excuses Lala for sitting on my face!)

We hope you’ve enjoyed this post, and that maybe it has inspired you to go DIY your bed restraint system! Remember- Safety First! Have fun!

 

For more from Lars and winnie visit Married and Owned!

The topic this week on The Safeword/s Club is bondage, and while MrH uses many forms of bondage (rope and verbal) I decided to write about the bondage that we place on ourselves.  In particular, the things that stop us from saying what we want.  For me, it’s fear and lack of self confidence.

It’s over a year now since I plucked up the courage to ask MrH if we could explore BDSM. From there we embarked on journey that has taken our happy marriage to another level. We’re still very early in our journey and one thing I struggle with is communication. I’m aware that this is by no means a universal problem.  Some people have no issue in expressing their sexual needs, or wants, to their partners.  I am not one of them. Mostly people describe me as chatty. The problem is I’m actually not. I find it very difficult to express my deep needs and wants. I fear rejection so much that I don’t speak up and ask.  As MrH said a few months into our new dynamic, “it only took you 21 years to tell me what you wanted”.   And in some ways he’s right, but in fairness to myself, I didn’t know it was something I necessarily wanted.

In order to explore BDSM initially it meant a lot of discussion.  I had to tell MrH what I wanted to try and what I didn’t.  At first I was so embarrassed. I found the only way I could do it was to write it down. I would watch MrH as he read it, hoping he wouldn’t look shocked or horrified.  I bought a little diary and wrote in it.  Things I liked, things that I worried about, things I wanted to try.  I’d ask MrH to read it when there was something I felt he should know.  When I moved online to my Blog I stopped my hand written journal.  This has meant I’ve had to start talking to Sir directly.
 

Thankfully throughout he’s been so completely down to earth that I’m getting better and better at asking Sir when I need something specific. MrH says that he can tell when I am building up to say something.  I think, I try and practice what I want to say, and worry some more, and think and over think. Some of these worries are due to embarrassment. I feel shame when I ask Sir to play. I also feel that I shouldn’t ask- after all I’m the submissive partner, and I worry that by asking for specific sexual play I’m leading instead of following. Surely I should just wait to be played with?

Thankfully MrH has never said I can’t ask, in fact he has always said that I must ask, I must tell him what I’m thinking or what I want, as he’s not a mind reader. He just cautions me that just because I ask doesn’t mean I’m going to get. He reserves the right to say no.  Which is the way I want it. In all I’ve known MrH for nearly 23 years. We have a child and he was in the delivery room. He’s more intimately aware and familiar with my body than I am (after all he can see it more easily than I can) and yet, I find it nearly impossible to say, “please will you do anal play?” Or “don’t stop what you’re doing right now”. Part of me thinks it’s strange that I struggle to say these things, but from talking to other subs I’m not alone.

On top of my emotional issues, there’s a simple conflict that springs up from our D/s dynamic. If I’m the submissive, what right do I have to ask MrH to continue a specific thing? He’s in control.  It’s what I asked him to do.  So surely during play, it’s wrong for me to demand anything?  It’s up to him if I have an orgasm or not.  Perhaps he’s deliberately edging me.  Perhaps he’s just denying me.  I think MrH would like me to tell him that I’m close to orgasm, so he can make that decision, but I don’t.  Between the fear of judgement, and fear of overstepping I bind myself into silence. 

Having said that, there’s still masses of room for improvement.  I hide my face when I’m talking and I’m hesitant.  I’d love to be able to just “say” it without having to work myself up to do it.   At the same time, MrH has never been verbose so I’ve had to explain to him a number of times that I need feedback from him too.  He often forgets to do a after play review, so I will prompt it, by asking if there was anything he particularly enjoyed.  Strangely, this I can ask,  I’m eager to be perfect for him so if I do something nice I want to know, and it prompts him to ask back. But, as I said earlier, we are still relatively new to this lifestyle and are still learning.   Perhaps in another 21 years time I will have learned to speak without hiding my face from embarrassment.

 

Story-lines and narratives can be a useful part of play, whether this is sexual or non-sexual. In it’s simplest form this may include playing games together where you use your imagination. For example when HL and I are out and about sometimes we make up details and stories about the people we meet, their lives and what they might think and feel. In some ways this can help us to explore things that we might not otherwise be able to and use our empathy to experience a different range of emotions than we usually would, even though this is only on an imaginary level. We can use this to test things out with each other and get ideas of what might, or might not, be a good fit.

 

The interesting thing with using narratives and story-lines is that although the situation or scenario you construct may be imaginary, the feelings that you experience as a result are real. I have a bad habit of imagining myself into a doom and gloom scenario sometimes. HL may be later back from somewhere than I expect and I can go catastrophising though the whole response where I finally get a knock at the door to say that something has happened. I can live it all to the point where I experience the feeling of shock, and the fear, and the nerves. The tears that fall will be real tears even though they are brought on by a journey down the road of an imagined situation.

 

Clearly this is not something enjoyable or pleasant but it does illustrate the power of the mind to allow us to experience something beyond our own reality. I am not one to get particularly involved with characters from TV and films, but books will get a reaction. A well constructed character in a plot I can relate to will leave me feeling what they feel, despite the fact that I know that they are simply words on a page and it has all been born from the author’s imagination. Thoughts are not truths, but the feelings which arise from those thoughts are real responses, even to imagined pain, pleasure, excitement, loss etc.

 

One way that this can be explored through sexual play is through the use of a role. Having a role will lend itself to becoming someone outside of your own experience, even if only for a short time. Within the safety of a secure relationship, it can leave you free to explore the feelings associated with things that you may not be able to do, or want to do, in real life. Usually this can work well if you tap into something that is already there as a part of you, which you can do by using a role which you can relate to. You are not that person and have the safety of knowing that, but as them you can think and feel and respond in a way which may not fit your usual personality.

 

Once you have adopted a character then you have the freedom to follow a narrative which would apply more to them than to you. This can be discussed beforehand or the details can be fed in as things progress. Some people may be able to improvise comfortably, where others may find it easier to have a story-line to stick to so that they can interact within that. To do this as part of play means that you can imagine details which may not actually be accurate. There can be an audience, or a confidante, or an accomplice. A scene in your own bedroom involving just the two of you can be transported to a different time, a different place and involve people who would not usually be there.

 

Many people use fantasy as a way of initiating and/or sustaining arousal which is not a surprise given that the brain is the most important sexual organ. Most fantasy will involve the use of a narrative or a story-line. While this will often be a private thing which is not spoken aloud, to share it between you and allow that to take you to new places together is just moving this on a step. A lot of BDSM play is about experiencing things in a different way. Focussing on the senses means that reality is often suspended for a time, and this leaves you free to choose what your reality will be. Using mindfucks might also be part of this.

 

Another way to incorporate this into play might be to use actual stories to take you somewhere new. Beth explains that “when we first started out if someone had suggested using a narrative to me I would have thought “role play.” I’d read about scenes like naughty student and strict teacher, Master and slave, spy and interrogator, etc. Those stories sounded fun but I’m no actress and role playing doesn’t appeal to me. But Mister Man can spin a good story and erotic stories help me get in the mood and away from my mundane thoughts. I lay in his arms and he whispers in my ear. He’s perverted a few fairytales into kinky stories. With a few tweaks Goldilocks And The Three bears can be used for a gangbang story, Little Red Riding Hood becomes force or coerced sex, Cinderella and the Prince sneak away for a garden tryst. We can explore things that we wouldn’t be comfortable doing in real life or with other people.”

 

You may choose to build the use of narrative and story-line into your play through the use of stories, through roleplay, through fantasy or use parts or all of them. What it will allow you to do is to explore experiences and feelings, reactions and responses which might not have been possible without it. There is no limit to where you can go and what you can do, other than the limits that your own imagination allows you to have. To quote George Bernard Shaw, “Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine, and at last, you create what you will.”  And so they all lived happily ever after. The End.

I’ve for some time looked through different videos that more or less show details
on fucking machines, and have picked up bits and pieces here and there.
The result is my own working DIY fucking machine. Though, it must be said
that it’s a prototype, noisy and no beauty.
You might find your own way to assemble it.
Have fun!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Below I’ll describe the different parts and possibilities.

Motor.
I’ve looked for geared electro motors with around 250-300 rpm, but most of the available are too small and not strong enough.

My choice was a 12V wiper motor.
It’s not expensive and is powerful enough to do the job. It’s a little noisy, but not too bad.
Wish: 268 Nok

Speed controller.
You need a way to adjust the speed.
This one I chose because it comes
with a box for the electronics and is
cheap. This controller supports any
DC-voltage between 9 and 60 volt,
and should handle any motor in this
range. If you plan to make a
remote-control, please note that the
switch carries the power to the
motor and a remote cable can’t be a
signal cable; the cross section is to
small.
Wish: 113Nok

Power supply.
As the motor is 12V you need a 12V
PSU. There is no info enclosed with
the motor, but my PSU
delives 3A, and that’s not
enough.
I  recommend a 5 or 6A version.
Wish: 96Nok

 

 

Assembly.

Depending on the way you assemble this, you might need an extension for the motor shaft. I used a 8mm joint nut 25mm long. That enabled me to easyily mount the rotating arm with an 8mm screw.
The length of the arm gives the stroke length, and you have to be able to easily adjust that.
On the end of the arm you need a ball joint. My choice was made for a 8mm threaded rod.
Then you need a shaft joint for connection to the stroking shaft.
Also with 8mm holes and set screws.
The bearings for the shaft need to
be mounted so the joint doesn’t crash
into them whatever stroke length
you might choose.
Wish: 186 Nok

This really is the noisy part of this
machine. I’ve seen this done with
rails for drawers, which might be
better.
Let me now if you find a better way!

As the shafts are 30cm you need to extend them.
My solution was an length extension for drills (100Nok). To fit the shaft I just mounted it on a drill and sanded the end down until it fitted.
Then the real fun part.
The “normal” way to connect the tools are with air tube connectors.
Wish etc are selling sets with these things, and is easy to fit the female end to the shaft with tape etc.

 

 

The male part for the air tube connector can be mounted
on a vac-u-lock adapter or
simply a flat plate for
suction.

 

 

We thought it might be useful to have a post about scenes and play which covered both our perspectives. Clearly the roles for Dom and sub are quite different with regards to the input you have at each stage of the process, but we have both found that there are things that we can do which will help it to be the sort of experience we want it to be. 

Setting the Scene

HisLordship

When you are first starting out planning is key. It may seem a bit forced, and not as sexy as the Dom found in fiction, however, you have to assume that they have planned their scene as carefully as you will be preparing yours!  Looking at it in simple terms, imagine a road trip that needs planning. Decide where you both want to go first, that involves a discussion, and probably one of many if this is new to you both. If you don’t know the exact place on the map, agree at least on the general region. Will this scene involve an orgasm for you, or me or both of us? Many scenes (or just play over a shorter period) do not have to end in an orgasm. Just be clear what each of your needs are and you will be fine. Now that we know how it will end, as orgasms tend to slow things down, let’s look at the prep work for the Dom. 
Location, location, location is important. Comfort for both of you, address any sound issues that may be made which could scar your kids or neighbours. Most people at home use the bedroom, and why not? The bed makes a nice play space and all your tools are close by.  If you are going to use those tools be specific on their use and avoid getting them all out just because you haven’t played in weeks. Pick the ones you want to focus on and have them near by. Get your lube warmed up as well as any other metal or glass tools that maybe used. Consider music as it is great for providing atmosphere and to drown out heavy breathing. 
Now you have your outcome and tools, you can think about how long you will play for and how you can bring it together.  Don’t try to pack a lot into an hour, do what is achievable with time to spare. The same applies with even two or three hours, give yourself some wiggle room to enjoy the experience. Finally, walk through the scene in your head. How will you relax her and draw her into the world you have created? Better to hit an obstacle in your head rather than when she is tied to the bed waiting for your next move!  If you get a bit stuck, discuss it with your sub. She is the one who allowing you to dominate her and therefore plays a valid part. Please do not get hung up on the fairy-tale Dom who can’t make a mistake and has women fainting under his control. This person usually has a dragon and lives in Toy Town; in other words they are fiction and you should not measure yourself against them.

Missy

Being a submissive, prior to the scene I don’t usually have anything to prepare or plan as such. I get the easy job – turn up and enjoy. There are certain things that HL will expect me to have done, however. He has requirements of personal grooming so I will make sure that I am clean and fresh and neat and tidy. My nails will be done and I will try to make sure that my skin feels soft and my body is ready for him. Sometimes there will be specific requirements for me to wear something particular or to do something differently for him. The biggest thing I have to do really is to make sure that my head is in the right place. Of course this won’t always work as planned and so if there is something that I think will affect my ability to give him my full attention, I will communicate this beforehand. I used to have loads of questions – oh the questions! – but that has eased a bit and usually now I can run with whatever direction he wants to take us in.

 

Lights up

HisLordship

They say a journey starts with the first step, so in this case make it a strong one. Exerting my authority in a calm and caring manner by verbalising my needs to reinforce what you agreed on will take control away from missy, and this is very important. She will submit to me, and wants to, as this is our agreement.  Telling her to wait for me to arrive is always a good start. She must be in an exposed position to take her mind away from day to day events. She needs to be focussed on me. This can be quite hard sometimes as both of us were probably being active parents not 20 minutes earlier. Either way, I have a sub who wants to be dominated and I need to turn on the Dom in me and let her feel safe and excited.  Do not rush, be calm and if you find it hard, try to pretend she doesn’t know you, or the other way around as it can sometimes help move away from your traditional family roles. Show her your tools, tell her what each one will do or tell her what you hope to acheive with them. Don’t give any opportunity for doubt in her mind. 

Missy

Once the scene has begun there is really very little for me to do. Once my preparation is done, I will usually be told to wait in a certain position or in a certain place. Although we have not begun to play at this point, I would consider it to be part of the scene. This is the time for me to clear my mind and get my head where he wants it to be. This can be tricky at times and it is often a case of swiping left and right in my own mind in order to try to overcome the thoughts that ask to be considered. The position and situation I am waiting in can ease this process greatly. Some of his requests will make me feel so submissive that my mind is already being led by my body into wherever it is he is going to take me. For example, if I am asked to wait naked on my hands and knees, arse in the air with my legs spread, I will feel the air on my skin and burn with the humiliation. The same will happen if we start with an inspection or something of that nature. Basically something that makes me feel vulnerable will make for the ideal start.  

 

Centre Stage

HisLordship

You could start with spanking, caning, flogging or even just touching. Whichever you chose, think of it as adding a thin layer of sexual weight that will pull her deeper down each time you add to it. Add too much too quick and she will slip though your fingers and out of your grasp. One area which can be a challenge is verbal communication during play. Some say they feel awkward, as though it is not their usual voice or choice of words. My response to that would be that no one is telling you what to say or how to say it. Have your own voice by expressing what you see or how you feel. Your sub is likely to be in a position where she cannot see the thing you do!

Missy

When things are in full swing, I am not really thinking about anything. By then I am feeling the impact of whatever he is doing and I am becoming his, slipping further and further down the rabbit hole with him. That is a delicious feeling and one which is quite addictive. I do need to be aware of my own triggers and limits and communicate those with him if necessary, but he is very good at reading me, so this is not something that I would have to do a lot. I do find that to verbalize my thoughts at this time is quite distracting and can pull me out of my submissive space which is counter-productive, but hearing his voice talking to me and asserting his control over me keeps me firmly there. I know that once I let go, I tend to make more noise but this is not a conscious thing and is something that I would rather not acknowledge, although for him to do so will add to the humiliation and actually push things forward for me.   

 

Curtain Fall

HisLordship

Some scenes or play can be quite short and therefore require little recovery. Equally we have been known to play for hours and this takes a toll physically and emotionally. Most, if not all our scenes are sexual and if my sexual needs have not been met during the centre part of the scene, they will be at the end. This produces two positives based on heightened arousal and need. I am aroused having watched and played with missy’s body over a prolonged period of time, and she is very needy to be fucked. It can’t be put simpler than that. The two combined meet a greater need and that is to be joined together with the intensity you lay exhausted from. Aftercare is important for both of us to recover and to spend time just reassuring each other that the red welts across her bum are okay to be there!  At some point later on we will discuss how things went from start to finish. There is always room for improvement, and that’s what makes next time something to look forward to!
Try to take and give feedback constructively. This may be difficult as there are a lot of emotions involved and a simple observation could hit nerve. If something hasn’t gone as well as expected, talk about it and create a new way of doing it. D/s is, after all, a journey! 

Missy

Once the scene is over, I tend to crash a bit. This is when HL will provide aftercare. I have a huge need to be as physically close to him as I can, often pressing myself into him as much as possible. If I could literally climb inside him I would. Although this is a quiet time, it is a huge part of the process as we are sharing the same emotional space. Following this, at some point, we will talk about what happened and how it went etc. We have sometimes called this roses and thorns as we try to look at what worked as well as what didn’t work quite so well. This is not meant in a critical sense but rather as part of the learning process. This is important for me too as I learn a lot about myself from my own reactions and responses to things and this will help to inform what we choose to do next. It is also time to listen to HL and to look for the responses he likes, the things that he enjoys and the way that various things have made him feel.

Hello! The following post contains discussion points from the chat hosted at The Safeword/s Club. Join us for our next chat, on Monday, July 30, at 9:30 pm EDT to discuss Rules!

These notes are the opinions of Lars and slars of Married and Owned, and the participants of the chat, and do not reflect the opinions and views of the entire BDSM community.

So… you’ve decided you are kinky! You want to play around, explore, experiment… you have added all of the toys and gear you could ever hope for in you cart online, and when you go to check out, the total is $12,742.89!?!?!!

What on Earth are you to do?!

Enter: Pervertables!

Pervertables are items that you might find and use in your everyday vanilla life, that you pervert for kinky uses. It could be a wooden spoon you normally make sauce with, repurposed as a paddle. It could be a tension rod turned into a spreader bar (i will share how we did this in the DIY section of our blog). It could even be a length of rope from your garage, turned into a flogger! Pervertables are only limited by your imagination!

A few things to keep in mind when getting creative at home:

-Safety first- DO NOT insert vegetables, things that can leave splinters, things that could break off, etc, into your orifices. Not only will they put you at risk for humiliating emergency room visits, but they could have chemicals like pesticides or bacteria on them. Doesn’t sound fun, or worth it!

-Always test your pervertables before you use them. Make sure they will not break during use.

-Remember that quality matters. Sometimes it is worth it to spend a little money on an item designed for what your needs are, rather than Jimmy rigging your own.

Examples shared:

  • Wooden kitchen utensils
  • Curtain tie backs
  • Rope
  • Shower curtain rod
  • Chains
  • Sequins, feathers, fabric
  • Craft store items
  • Hardware store items
  • Scarves
  • Pantyhose
  • Clothes pins

The possibilities are endless! Have you ever made pervertables or kinky DIY projects? Share in the comments below!

Quote of the evening by Foxy:

Pervertables are innocent objects that get bent to naughty purposes.