When i consider the word servant, honestly a big part of me shrinks away in disgust. i think about the historic significance of servitude… it wasn’t really fair in a lot of ways. From what i have learned from history books, servitude ranged from slavery to employment to indentured servitude. In a lot of cases, the only reward was being allowed to live, not even to have basic needs met. So when i really think about the word servant, it just feels unpleasant. Which is ironic, really, because as a submissive i think the general expectation is that i serve my Dominant. And in a lot of ways that is a good assumption. But it doesn’t come naturally to me. i have to work really hard at serving, at being generous, and sometimes accepting that there is nothing in it for me aside from pleasing Him.

There is a lot on the web about how to submit, guides for service, and people sharing their personal stories about their journeys in BDSM. i find that sometimes the pressure to be a perfect servant is overwhelming. Daddy has helped me find tools over the years that take the pressure away a little, and help me to be more effective in my service.

One tool that we both really liked was an app called Habitica. We used that app for about 2 years. It allows you to create a little character as well as a task list. Each task earns credits when they are completed, which can be cashed in for rewards, which you can customize on the app too. i really liked this app because it was fun to use, but if you are looking for a more straightforward tool to help you finish tasks or chores, the Chore Monster app might be a better fit. Habitica allows for almost unlimited customization.

Another tool that we use is Google Docs. We like this app because it allows us to share notes, including our rules/rewards/punishments lists and our weekly meeting notes. Even if we are apart, we can watch each other type in real time, and discuss as we go along. This really helps keep me accountable because i can’t put my notes or journaling off- He gets to watch it happen.

If you are looking for ways to serve your partner in more creative ways, by upping the romance or just spicing things up, there are 2 books that we LOVE, and highly recommend. i am a big fan of keeping all sides of relationships healthy and happy, and even though this isn’t necessarily a kinky tool, it is a tool to us nonetheless. Laura Corn has written 2 books called 101 Nights of Great Romance and 101 Nights of Great Sex- they are not guide books; instead, the pages tear out to reveal ideas for fun. They range from expensive and extravagant, to cheap and simple, but all of them have pushed our limits, and all of them have been amazing. The books were kind of hard to find, but if you can get your hands on them, they are well worth it. Service doesn’t have to be all about cleaning and cooking and kneeling and holding drinks and whatever. Service can also include things that bring joy and fulfillment to your partner.

The last tool i will list is MyFitnessPal. We use this app to keep us both accountable for our health and fitness goals. We view self care and health as service to one another- this might be unconventional, but we think that the healthier we can be ourselves, the better we can take care of each other. It is a rule on our list that i track my meals and exercise, as well as body measurements and weight. it helps keep me honest with Him and myself, and gives Him peace of mind that i am taking care of myself.

These are just a few tools that we use to help bring service to the forefront. i am not a servant, or a slave, but the way He lights up when i do acts of service for Him really encourage me to do more and more. They feed my submissive mindset, help me feel useful, and allow me to express my love for Daddy. If you have thoughts about service related tools, share them in the comments!

These notes were prepared for the Monday night topic chat at The SafeworD/s Club. Join us next Monday to discuss Having a Servant Attitude!

This weeks theme is “All Tied Up”, so Lars and i decided to start by considering being restrained and in control of ourselves first and foremost. We prepared the following questions to be discussed in our chat:

-Have you ever practiced self discipline, punishment, or bondage?
-Does sub or Dom frenzy make self control more challenging?
-Do you have rules regarding masturbation, and is this rule difficult to follow?
-Is orgasm denial equal parts self control and power exchange?
-Are there rules in your dynamic that require you to exercise self control?
-Are you able to remain self motivated and under control without threat of punishment, or breaking a rule?
-Do you set self control oriented standards for yourself, or does your partner?
-What are your biggest hurdles with self control?
-When your partner isn’t looking, do you give in to impulse without admitting so?
-Are there times where self control in D/s has helped in vanilla life?

Here are some highlights from the conversation:

-Basically everyone admitted (even some Dominants!) that when our partner isn’t looking, we are sneaky sneaky jerks, and do things we aren’t always supposed to!

-Self bondage, and punishment is a curiosity, would be and is challenging.

-From a submissive perspective, it appears that while we set our goals and standards ourselves, we want our Dominants to help encourage and motivate us to achieve them. From a Dominant perspective, this is not always apparent. This needs communicated.

-Snacking, exercise, and sleep seem to be big issues for those trying to practice self control.

This weeks chat saw several new faces! Thanks to those who joined in, and we hope to see you next time! Thinking about joining us for a chat? Visit the calendar for more information! Have comments or thoughts about the questions listed? Share them in the comments!

When we first started exploring bondage, which was pretty early on for us, like before we moved in together, Daddy purchased some poly rope from our local hardware store. When i say some, what i should really say is that He bought oodles- 150 feet to be exact. He cut it into lengths and used mustache duct tape on the ends to keep it from fraying. Back then we didn’t have a headboard that we could connect things to, so He used to loop it under the bed. It was complicated, time consuming, and frankly irritating. So when we moved and bought new furniture, we picked a headboard that we could loop the rope through. It made things easier, until Daddy purchased cuffs. The deeper we got into bondage play, the more we wanted to simplify. We tried one of the store bought under the bed restraint systems, but our mattress is 16 inches thick, and it just didn’t work properly. So Daddy decided He needed to get His tool belt out and make some modifications!

For some back info- our bed is a king size called Hemnes from Ikea. We are Ikea freaks, if you haven’t noticed! It is made out of pine, and honestly isn’t very sturdy. We have broken the frame a few times lol. Our bed has a 16 inch memory foam mattress. It is massive and heavy. There is a foot board at the bottom that we are not able to loop through.

Moving on… We purchased 8 mountable D rings from the hardware store, and 3/4 inch screws with a flat top so they wouldn’t rub anything. Daddy screwed them to the bed- 2 went in the center of the headboard, then 4 went on each corner of the bed, we had 2 left over.

Daddy is now able to attach me in all sorts of ways to our bed! He uses carabiners, hog ties, straps, velcro, rope, etc! The sky is the limit. No more half hour setups, just a quick click and we are ready to go! We have included some photos below (please excuses Lala for sitting on my face!)

We hope you’ve enjoyed this post, and that maybe it has inspired you to go DIY your bed restraint system! Remember- Safety First! Have fun!

 

For more from Lars and winnie visit Married and Owned!

When we first joined online communities for BDSM lifestyles, we were excited. Excited to the point that we both had a bit of frenzy. So many people talked about so many things, and we wanted to try it all. We have made many friends over the years who have felt the same way. And frenzy is no joke- it can really get people emotionally and physically hurt. When you are new to the lifestyle, and testing the waters, it can be easy to confide in people who portray an “expert” role. But we have learned that the people who appear to have conquered BDSM and become experts are really the people you need to watch out for. You may come across highly confident individuals who claim to have tried everything. They may state their experience in decades, and manipulate their way into your lives. They will “mentor” you, claiming that there is only one way- their way- and state that anyone else living any other way is fake. These are dangerous waters.

It is SO important to keep in mind that when you go online, you can be anyone. Just because someone says they have been in the lifestyle for 20 years, it does not mean it is true. And we would say to take everything with a grain of salt, but we have seen too many people get injured, and have their relationships destroyed, because of the influence of an expert. You can’t trust anyone, not right off the bat. If you have been given advice by anyone, including those claiming to be experts, get a second, third, even fourth opinion.

Here are some examples of the “expert advice” we have observed over the years:

It is encouraged to add oils to melted wax during wax play.

This is a terrible idea. One, any person in the medical industry knows that oil and burns make burns worse. The context of this advice was explaining wax play to a newbie. The person sharing this advice claimed to have been given it by a wax expert. The general consensus on wax play is to use pure soy or paraffin wax. For a novice just testing things out, it is especially important to triple check your research and advice received! Advanced players might play with oils, but generally they use them on the body, not in the wax, as a means of easier removal of cooled, hardened wax.


You don’t need a safeword, and can rely on your partner to just know when you’re at your limit.

This is NOT okay. We have decided as a couple that our safewords are reserved only for the most extreme situations, but that is because we communicate with each other during scenes! Some subs say they can’t speak when they are in subspace. But they still have safewords, or at the very least hand signals. It is not the norm for kinksters to not have safewords, and is dangerous for new people to expect their partners to read their minds. The more experienced players might not use safewords, but that is an extreme dynamic, and is not typical, especially with new people.

There is no such thing as an expert. It is one thing to go to a class, or workshop, to learn how to flog, or crack a whip. It is another thing to be told by a total stranger on the internet how to do things. There is no one right way to practice BDSM, but there are very important safety issues to keep in mind. Always triple check the information people give you. Always keep your eyes open and remember that not everyone is what they claim to be. Always use your best judgement on safety and protect your partners.

We hope you enjoyed our post about experts. Don’t forget- experts are like unicorns! They don’t exist.

For more from winnie and Lars visit Married and Owned.

 

Sometimes life feels like a fairy tale. Everything is going your way, you are with the love of your life, nothing could be better.

And sometimes you have a wart covered frog in your face, belching at you while it chomps on flies.

Such is the way of life.

So what do you do with that stinking, stupid frog?

Kiss it. i dare you.

Sometimes our partners just piss us off. They grate on our nerves, get in the way, frustrate us. It’s an ugly truth.

When your prince turns into a frog, they probably need your help turning back into a prince. Kiss it. Kiss it better. Kiss it despite its warts and ugliness and lack of manners or regard for your likes, wants, and desires. Kiss it. Kiss the frog.

In our marriage, the reality is that sometimes we get on each others nerves. It isn’t perfect all the time. my ugly shows, and so does His. Its hard for me to see this- but when Daddy is being a frog, i need to swallow my pride and take a look in the mirror, cos chances are, i am being one too. As His submissive, and as His wife, i need to see past the flaws, and love Him through them. Because i know He sees past mine, and loves me anyway.

When you initially go online to meet new people, it is easy to get sucked into the belief that everyone wants to be nice, and is generally good. This is a mistake- here is why:

 

-Possibility of ID theft

-Possibility of catfishing

-Possibility of blackmail or otherwise personally harmful incidence

-Invasion of privacy or personal life

 

The BDSM community is already shrouded in secrecy and identity concealment, and a majority of the vanilla world will not accept or understand the dynamics we exist in. By going online, and creating accounts, you are taking a risk that the people you meet are trustworthy. And while a majority of the people we have met have been generally kind and fun, we have met our share of unstable, and dishonest individuals. This leads us to some ground rules for creating online profiles, and making friends online.

 

  1. When creating online profiles, NEVER use personally identifying information such as your real name, address or location, personal contact information (this means you need to make a separate email that is not your real name, or personal or work email)
  2. When making friends online, verify who they are by obtaining photographic or video evidence before sharing information that could damage your personal life in any way
  3. Do not share photos of your face, family, location, etc. without first knowing that you can either delete the content if you become uncomfortable, or verifying who you are sharing said information with
  4. Go with your gut- if something feels funny, it probably is. Do not continue to push yourself into murky waters if you do not feel confidently safe and secure

 

These are mere guidelines- overall you need to use common sense. And this is not to say that all interactions should be met with suspicion. Just remember to protect yourself. If you want more information on, or want to refresh yourself on, the community rules, click here.

 

When you make friends online, and you are trying to get to know them, there are many red flags you can look for when ascertaining their authenticity. A few are listed below:

 

  1. They will not send photos or video call, and are persistently asking you to do those, or ask you to share more information than they are willing to share
  2. They seem too good to be true- their experiences seem more like fiction, or their photos look more like models
  3. They have limited, repetitive experience and information about themselves
  4. They have really problematic lives to the extent that they seem to need help, advice, or money frequently
  5. They claim to have high profile jobs or hobbies, such as being a doctor, or international spy
  6. They use reverse psychology, gaslighting, or preemptive defense- “I am so nice, supportive, successful, helpful”- they use adjectives to describe themselves to make themselves more likeable, and do it frequently, when they really aren’t those things. They act hurt that you suspect they aren’t who they purport to be, deny wrongdoing, or call you crazy.
  7. Your conversations are so much about you, that they never share about themselves
  8. There are holes in their story that you don’t want to question for fear of upsetting them, or pushing them away
  9. They seem to be everywhere all the time
  10. They purport to be an expert without the ability to back up experiences with facts
  11. They insist on receiving sexual photos, rush into a sexual relationship, bully you into doing things you may not be comfortable with

 

What you can do if you suspect a catfish:

 

  1. Report them to site administrators
  2. Ask to video call
  3. Reverse image search their photos, google search the contact information you have for them
  4. Pull away and protect yourself
  5. Be careful- if they seem volatile, or have personal or damning information about you, it may not serve to make a scene. In these situations, it is best to contact the site administration
  6. Report the individuals to your local authorities, if it applies. In the United States, catfishing is illegal in many states, especially if the person is using photos of another person, even if they are not using their name. These crimes are punishable with jail time, fines, etc.
  7. Do your research! Read online about red flags in relationships, and ask for help when you need it.

 

Remember: NOT ALL PEOPLE ARE CATFISHES. Most aren’t. This post is merely to help you identify red flags, and advise you on steps to take in those instances. Have fun and be safe!

For more of our posts, visit us at Married and Owned

The following post has been co-written, because we feel that a Dominant and submissive perspective to rules is important. Please let us know if you have any questions! As a side note- we are not experts, and there is no one right way to create a rules list. We aim only to inform those interested in how we do things.

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Lars’ Perspective

Rules can be a very useful tool for achieving goals and maintaining a certain standard, but can also be detrimental when not implemented properly. I see rules in 2 different categories- rules to maintain and rules that lead you where you’re going. “Maintenance” rules are things like respect, honesty and self care. These should be the foundation of any relationship as they help keep it healthy. Once you establish those baseline rules, you can create goal oriented rules for “where you want to go”. Those rules could relate to working out for weight loss, or even wearing a butt plug to train for anal sex. Depending on where you are and where you want to go, rules can be developed to help meet those goals or needs. Rules can change during the span of your relationship, and I recommend regularly reviewing your rules, adding and editing as needed.

Once you have determined what your rules list looks like, make sure that it isn’t too long. As my good friend Mr. Swanson once told me, “It is better to full-ass one thing, than to half-ass two things.” When you feel your sub has begun to manage well with the initial list, you can add more rules in as needed, and remove the ones that no longer serve you.

When it comes to enforcing your rules list, it is really important that you remain consistent. I believe rules lists should be accompanied by rewards and punishments lists. What is the point of rules if there is no accountability? If your sub is anything like mine then structure and consistency are some of the most important factors to having a functional and happy D/s dynamic.

When choosing rules it is important to be realistic and not go balls to the wall at the beginning. You can start small and work up to the higher protocol stuff as you and your sub grow together. It is very important that you are able to track successes- you can use sticker charts, apps, chores lists, etc.. Just make sure that you are holding yourself and your sub responsible for following rules and meeting goals.

Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts on rules. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to leave a note in the contact me section, or in the comments.

 

 

slars’ Perspective

Creation

Creating a rules list can be a daunting task! When you are first getting started in a power exchange dynamic, i think it’s especially challenging. When Daddy and i first started our dynamic, it was solely with DD/lg. We joined an online community and quickly learned that a lot of the people there were single, and therefore didn’t have rules. We did a lot of research online, looking for examples we thought we could base our rules on, but even that proved to be a challenge. And then we met some couples who did have rules, but didn’t want to discuss them with us! It felt like a whole bunch of dead ends. We pieced together a rules list on our own, and had to work at tweaking them regularly to find our groove. Before i continue- if you are reading this and feeling like you have hit dead ends when making your rules list, reach out to us on the contact page. We would love to help! Don’t get discouraged! Anyway, we created our list. Do you want to know something crazy? Our first list of rules had over 70 rules!!!! 😰 You may see online that some Tops make their bottoms memorize their rules. Nope- how on Earth could i memorize 70?! Moral of the story- start simple. Decide what the top priorities are. Here is an example of 5:

-Do not disrespect Daddy- this includes back talk, profanity, and eye rolling

-Take care of your body- shave regularly, eat 3 healthy meals per day, exercise 3 days per week

-Accomplish all chores before playing

-Bed time is 10:30 pm, wake up at 8:30 am

-No spending money without first asking

These are non sexual rules that set boundaries for every day life. Starting with rules like those help build structure, and also make consistency for enforcement a lot easier in the beginning. You might also introduce a chore chart, to help make rewarding your bottom easier. Tracking successes is important! So once you have determined the every day rules, you can add in rules relating to personal goals. They could be education related, for weight loss, learning something new, saving for something… Whatever your goals are. i really like having goal oriented rules because they help keep me accountable. But achieving goals also really boosts my self confidence, and makes Daddy proud. i love the feeling of accomplishment! After choosing your goal oriented rules, if you are sexual, add in some rules for that too. Some examples could be:

-No masturbation of any kind

-Do not orgasm without permission

If your rules list starts looking hefty, slow down. Make a list of ideas you can implement later. Daddy and i meet every Sunday as a sort of reset, and part of that is discussing rules. Sometimes we remove one, sometimes we add one. Your rules list can change over time. It probably won’t stay as what it started as. And that is actually a good thing! Be flexible, communicate, and write things down! Okay next….

Implementation

How do you implement this lovely list that you created? Well, you will want to create a list of rewards. What does your bottom want to be rewarded with? An allowance, gifts, outings, orgasms? In a Master/slave dynamic, rewards may not be a thing. Do you want to reward your bottom? my personal vote is that in the beginning, rewards are important. You’re creating new habits, and psychologically rewards help motivate. What will your bottom need to accomplish to earn each reward? Set the goals. 1 month of 100% chores being done means a trip to the zoo, perhaps. And once you have decided your rewards, move on to a list of punishments. The list of punishments is likely to change. If you have never explored spanking, that is a good place to start. Daddy has cold showers on my list, because i absolutely hate the cold. But spankings, He has to be careful with, because i am a masochist. So when He spanks me, He uses phrases like, “you broke the rules, and I am punishing you, I am disappointed.” His disappointment in me is the real punishment, but His words are what makes the spanking unpleasant. So you’ve chosen your rewards and punishments. You have your list of maybe 15 rules. You are ready to implement them….

Enforcement

And now your bottom has broken a rule. What ever are you to do? Consistency is key!!! Let me repeat: Consistency!!! That is why having a shorter list of rules in the beginning is important. It is easier for a bottom to remember and easier for a Top to enforce consistently. Use your punishments list, and as you feel comfortable, pull some ideas out of your back pocket if you want. Just keep in mind the levels of consent that you have with your partner. And don’t forget the power of rewarding your partner, even if its just telling them they did a good job! There is no one right way to make a rules list. If it works for you, it is right! And remember, if you have questions or need a little advice, feel free to comment or contact us! Good luck!

 

This post was originally featured on Married and Owned.

When i think about vanilla life, just having general relationships outside of kink, i think about how important it is to laugh. i mean, if it isn’t fun, or at least minimally enjoyable, why engage? This leads me to the topic of nonsexual play. i am going to write about it specifically for romantic relationships, but this could really apply to any friendship.

When Daddy and i met, we were 800 miles apart. We didn’t have the luxury of dating, we had time differences, and between the two of us, we had 5 jobs. i also had a 2 year old. Those things made for a rough start. i was newly out of a seriously bad relationship, and wasn’t really looking for love in any form. So when Daddy and i connected, it was more about laughing and relaxing than it was anything else. Talking to Him felt good. We started out playing the games 14 year old girls play at slumber parties- 20 questions and truth or dare. We spent so much time asking questions, that eventually we ran out, and had to find other resources to give us more ideas. We spent hours talking, falling asleep on the phone. And this was back when people had minutes. His phone bills were a bit much, but we just couldn’t help ourselves. We talked and talked and played our games, and suddenly He was at my door with His entire life packed in boxes, and He moved in.

Somewhere in that journey things became sexual. But we had based our relationship on more than that, and so it wasn’t the main priority. We made some friends that were couples and began hosting game nights. We played games just He and i. We changed and evolved, but kept having fun. It doesn’t always have to be tits and cocks and lubes and cuffs. Some nights we are on the Xbox cursing into our microphones. Some nights we are playing cards, sipping scotch and smoking cigars (a little who smokes cigars, how scandalous!). Some nights we lay in bed, and He watches me color, or play with my toys. One time we even tried to make our own wedding cake, which was a disaster. But all of it has been fun. And the laughter has been the best part.

Playing is more important in my relationships than almost anything else. i crave laughter, feel fulfilled when Daddy thinks i am clever or funny, i like being lively and silly and playful. i love when Daddy breaks out his face splitting grin at me. It really has nothing to do with age play or D/s. It’s more about remembering to not become complacent, to change things up, to keep surprising each other.

Examples of non sexual play:

  • Board games
  • Card games
  • Video games
  • Trivia
  • Tickle fights
  • Pillow fights
  • Crafts
  • Playing with toys
  • Massage
  • Taking a shower or bath together
  • Cooking together
  • Telling jokes
  • Reading together
  • Puzzles
  • Movie night

Have you had enough non sexual play in your life lately? What do you do to play in non sexual ways? Comment below!!

Who is your little self?

In the book The Big Book For Littles, the author Penny Barber lists a few pages of questions, with the invitation to blog about them. The questions are designed to help you identify and explain your little side, to help you, your Big, and your friends understand you. When i think about being little, it is really hard to give a clear explanation of what it means and feels like. These questions make it much easier to communicate your desires, needs, and personality to your partner, and also to yourself. The list is long, so i plan on answering them bit by bit, and will post my thoughts and discoveries. If you haven’t read this book, i highly recommend it. You can find it on Amazon Kindle for $9.99.

Here is the list:

  • When in little mode, do you behave yourself?
  • Which adjectives describe you? Are you bratty? Helpful? Shy?
  • Does your behavior and demeanor depend heavily on the situation?
  • Are there any labels that might help others to understand you better?
  • Do you like this label?
  • What, if anything, do you wish was different about how people perceived the label?
  • Do you use this label only out of necessity or do you wear it proudly?
  • Do you have a little personality distinct from your everyday self? If so, what are the differences?
  • Do you prefer being your everyday self to being little or vice versa? Do you enjoy both personas more or less equally?
  • Do you like to regress, i.e. feel like you’ve become a younger age, when you’re age playing? If so how do your behaviors and thoughts change?
  • If you do regress, is your little self an expression of an alternate personality, or just you as your younger self?
  • What does your little like to do?
  • What sort of clothing does your little like to wear? Do you like special panties, ruffled socks, onesies, overalls, etc.?
  • Do you consider age play clothes fetish wear or would you wear them in public in your daily life?
  • Would you be able to age play without these clothes?
  • Do you enjoy playing with other littles?
  • Are your relationships with other littles an expression of polyamory or are they strictly platonic?
  • Do you enjoy being cared for by caregivers who may not be bonded to you, like a babysitter, or do you only want a very close caregiver, like a Mommy?
  • List three characteristics of the ideal Big for your little.
  • List three characteristics of your little’s perfect best friend.
  • Do you like to wear diapers when you’re being little? If so, what kind?
  • Are you loyal to a particular brand?
  • Choose three adjectives to describe your perfect diaper.
  • Do you like to use diaper toiletries like baby powder, baby oil, petroleum jelly, diaper rash cream, etc.?
  • Do you become embarrassed when you wear a diaper and, if so, is it enjoyable to be embarrassed?
  • Do you like wetting or messing your diaper? If so, do you like being made to wear a wet or soiled diaper for an extended period of time?
  • What are the steps for your ideal changing ritual?
  • Is a diaper change sexual for you? If so, is it foreplay for the main event? Is a diaper itself a sex toy to you?
  • How do you feel about simulated messy diapers with things like shaving cream or bananas?
  • Do you enjoy forced diaper use, like enemas or diuretics?
  • How do you feel about including sexual paraphernalia like butt plugs in a diaper change?
  • What are your little self’s favorite things to do during playtime?
  • Do you have any special toys? Would you be upset if someone else touched or used this toy?
  • Are you good at sharing?
  • Would you engage in an activity that you didn’t like or found boring in order to accommodate a playmate?
  • Describe a perfect afternoon with your ideal little best friend.
  • Do you have imaginary friends? Are you friends with your stuffed animals and toys?
  • Does your little self enjoy or tolerate being punished?
  • Would you prefer punishments to be humiliating, painful, or time consuming?
  • Which punishments would you absolutely not submit to?
  • How does being punished make you feel?
  • Should punishment be an experience on its own or only in response to misbehavior on your part?
  • Would you become upset or defiant if you felt that you were being punished unjustly?
  • List five punishments that you would enjoy submitting to.
  • Should punishments be appropriate to your little age? What are your criteria for determining the appropriate punishment?
  • Do you enjoy having special rules for when you are in little space?
  • Are these rules meant to control your behavior or help you get into little space?
  • Would these rules be realistic rules that a chronological child should abide by, like washing your hands before you eat, or fetishistic like having to wet at least 2 diapers per day?
  • Would these rules be set by your Big alone or would you have input? Are there certain rules that you would not consent to?
  • Based on your little age, how much control would a Big have over you in regards to leisure time, goals, speech, dress, hygiene, etc.?
  • Does your little self have chores? Homework? If so, do you have a good attitude about it?
  • Do you enjoy using ageplay to motivate you to do work, like having a sticker or earning a reward?
  • Would this scenario work only in a fantasy setting or would you like to be motivated to complete mundane chores like paying bills and cleaning the kitchen?
  • How frequently do you like to age play?
  • Do you always like to go all the way, or is it sometimes preferable to experience a lighter, less immersive age play, like only sucking on a pacifier or just wearing age play clothes?
  • Are there certain things going on in your life that might make you want to age play more or less often or is your desire pretty constant?
  • Are there certain places that make you feel more little?
  • Are there places that you feel are sacrosanct only to age play or only to being Big? If so, why?
  • Are there any changes that can be made to a space to make it feel more like a safe or fun place for you to be little, like making sure the space is soundproof or putting out little decor?
  • Are you comfortable age playing in vanilla, non-adult settings, like the zoo?
  • Do you like to age play in semi-public settings, like at a BDSM play party?
  • If you do play in public, what’s your plan for dealing with onlookers who may become curious, uncomfortable, or offended?
  • Is there something that can happen that makes you feel little?
  • Do you enjoy it when something unexpected makes you feel little? Can it be deliberately initiated?
  • Is it embarrassing to be made to feel little in public, even if you aren’t acting little?
  • Is your little side always or sometimes dominant?
  • Do you feel dominant toward everyone or only to a specific person or type of person?
  • Is your little mean, like a bully or tattletale?
  • Is your little a leader?
  • Do you enjoy physical discomfort when in little space, like spankings, hair pulling, rough penetration, etc.?
  • Do you enjoy emotional discomfort like being teased, being scolded, being put on time out, losing your favorite toy, etc.? If so, is this discomfort just part of your interactions as a little, or is it a punishment?
  • Should punishments be non-sexual, sexual, or a mix of the two?
  • Do you enjoy more domestic punishments like being spanked with a belt or hair brush?
  • Do you enjoy more institutional punishments like being spanked with a paddle or being made to hold dictionaries on outstretched arms?
  • Does your little self experience full blown feelings of adult love or crushes?
  • How would your little self express romantic affection?
  • In which ways would you not like to experience or express romantic affections as a little? Would these expressions make you uncomfortable or do they just not resonate with you?
  • Is your little self more or less open to multiple romantic relationships than your big self? Equally open?
  • Is it appropriate for a little your age to have a romantic partner and go on dates? Would you do it even if it was, or because it was inappropriate?
  • Would your partner take the lead in the relationship or would you?
  • Would you only date your Big?
  • Would your relationship to your Big be more of a parent child relationship where your Big would determine whether or not you could date other individuals?
  • Does your little self like to hurt others?
  • Do you enjoy inflicting physical pain, like giving someone a wedgie or an Indian burn?
  • Do you enjoy inflicting emotional pain, like calling someone names or insisting a Big read you a sexual story when they don’t want to?
  • Do you like to have sexual contact when in little space? If so, what kind? Do you like to masturbate in little mode?
  • Does play still feel sexual even if you’re not engaging in sexual activity?
  • Do you like the vibe to feel intense, playful, coerced, or some other way?
  • Do you prefer to be the one to initiate sexual contact? How might your partner ask if you would like to be sexual and obtain consent?
  • What, if anything, makes a sexual experience as a little different than a sexual experience as a big?
  • Does entering little headspace allow you to de-stress or experience emotions that you might usually have trouble accessing?
  • Are there things that can stress you out when you are little?
  • How does your little respond to stress?
  • As a little, do you feel submissive to certain people, for example, caregivers?
  • Do you only feel submissive to one person? Are you submissive in general?
  • Is being made to be little the same as being made to submit?
  • Which age ranges do you like to role play?
  • Are these age ranges expressions of the same persona, or is, say your teenager persona completely different from your toddler persona?
  • List ten adjectives that you feel strongly represent this age.
  • Is there a fictional character who you feel represents this age really well?
  • When you were this age, what was your life like?
  • What were you like?
  • How do you wish these things were different? What did you enjoy?  

Have you discovered a little side of yourself? Tell me more in the comments below!

 

 

This post was originally featured on www.marriedandowned.com

Hello! The following post contains discussion points from the chat hosted at The Safeword/s Club. Join us for our next chat, on Monday, July 30, at 9:30 pm EDT to discuss Rules!

These notes are the opinions of Lars and slars of Married and Owned, and the participants of the chat, and do not reflect the opinions and views of the entire BDSM community.

So… you’ve decided you are kinky! You want to play around, explore, experiment… you have added all of the toys and gear you could ever hope for in you cart online, and when you go to check out, the total is $12,742.89!?!?!!

What on Earth are you to do?!

Enter: Pervertables!

Pervertables are items that you might find and use in your everyday vanilla life, that you pervert for kinky uses. It could be a wooden spoon you normally make sauce with, repurposed as a paddle. It could be a tension rod turned into a spreader bar (i will share how we did this in the DIY section of our blog). It could even be a length of rope from your garage, turned into a flogger! Pervertables are only limited by your imagination!

A few things to keep in mind when getting creative at home:

-Safety first- DO NOT insert vegetables, things that can leave splinters, things that could break off, etc, into your orifices. Not only will they put you at risk for humiliating emergency room visits, but they could have chemicals like pesticides or bacteria on them. Doesn’t sound fun, or worth it!

-Always test your pervertables before you use them. Make sure they will not break during use.

-Remember that quality matters. Sometimes it is worth it to spend a little money on an item designed for what your needs are, rather than Jimmy rigging your own.

Examples shared:

  • Wooden kitchen utensils
  • Curtain tie backs
  • Rope
  • Shower curtain rod
  • Chains
  • Sequins, feathers, fabric
  • Craft store items
  • Hardware store items
  • Scarves
  • Pantyhose
  • Clothes pins

The possibilities are endless! Have you ever made pervertables or kinky DIY projects? Share in the comments below!

Quote of the evening by Foxy:

Pervertables are innocent objects that get bent to naughty purposes.